The Outermind

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Are “Cheaters” Also Victims?

emotional-affair

What if people who avidly cheat on their significant others are not complete criminals in the realm of love, but partial victims instead? The United States have three major religions: Christianity, Islam and Judaism. Though all three are unique in practice and certain beliefs, they have one common denominator; monogamy. Monogamy is not the issue itself; it is the intense imposing of the monogamous philosophy that could be the problem.

In the eyes of many, infidelity is an epidemic. There is a slightly comparable epidemic that still exists; the “Down Low” epidemic. A common trait of these two is deception of the significant other. But what if those committing acts of deception actually are deceiving themselves? What if the person cheating whether on the “Down Low” or in a heterosexual relationship is denying his or her true nature?

Deep within some the minds of men on the “Down Low” the men know they are homosexual, but are afraid of being open about their sexuality. With intolerance between religion, conservatives and other areas of society, it is hard for some fully homosexual men to be themselves with pride. So they get into heterosexual relationships to hide their “shame” from the outside world. In the midst of their cover, they go and fulfill their desires by being intimate with the same sex. And the results have been well documented from there.

In the case of cheating, monogamy has been force fed to people to the point that anyone who is not with that “one” person, is deemed to have a glaring personality flaw. Societal pressure does not allow people to take a deeper look within them to make a sound lifestyle choice. More specifically, men catch it on the chin with all the “Steve Harvey memes” about real men settling down with one woman. Basically saying manhood is predicated on whether he has committed to one woman as opposed to him being a responsible adult on his own. Women of course get the typical slut bucket along with the glaring personality flaw.

The ostracizing is what makes these two epidemics comparable. If people are allowed to be who they are as opposed to who society wants them to be, then it would help the problem. People need to understand that some people in this world are not monogamous individuals and respect them for who they are. End the incessant proclamations of how monogamy is a sign of maturity and strength. Promote honesty and willingness to respect others for their differences.

This is not to absolve people from lying and deceiving, but rather to hold society accountable for its role in this epidemic. This is also to get people to examine their own behavior and make adjustments accordingly.

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4 comments on “Are “Cheaters” Also Victims?

  1. Nephila
    May 4, 2014

    The issue is honesty. If you want someone else, or multiple women, you’re always at liberty to say so. And she’s at liberty to shut the door behind you. Cheaters aren’t victims of monogamy they are perpetrators of dishonesty.

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  2. dirtyhiddentreasures
    May 5, 2014

    Believe it or not at times cheating does give you a more clear image of who you are and what kind of person you are. We are human beings, we are condemned to make mistakes but it is our responsibility to learn and grow from them.
    This is coming from someone who not only has been cheated on but has cheated as well.

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    • Nephila
      May 5, 2014

      But it you’ve cheated you would say that. Those who have been both sides haven’t really been on the innocent betrayed side. Even if you were betrayed first, something made it not so bad so you reserved the right yourself.

      I can tell you the clarity Paul got from cheating: he realised he was an arrogant pig with an entitlement complex. And he’s changed that. But probably too late for me to ever love him that much again. We all make mistakes but cheating is rarely a “mistake”. Losing your car keys or forgetting a birthday is a mistake. No one cheats by mistake. You either know it’s wrong and do it anyway or you are a sociopath who doesn’t think it’s wrong upfront.

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  3. dirtyhiddentreasures
    May 6, 2014

    Perhaps no one cheats my mistake, but being able to acknowledge and accept that what you have done is a mistake is what I mean by mistake. Yes I did not fall into another man’s arms and have sex with him by “mistake.” But I did realize that I made a terrible mistake by taking that decision of proceeding with the affair and have been able to move on and learn from it.

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This entry was posted on May 4, 2014 by in Mannish and tagged , , , , , , , .
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